I apologise for my fucking rant yesterday. Spending so much fucking time with Jon, I sometimes forget that not every celebrity is as fucking cool over clean pools as he is. Well, except perhaps fucking Cher. She has some fucking weird obsession with pools. It's fucking sick, almost.
When I first told Jon the fucking news about P Diddy's party, he was fucking furious. He offered to fucking fly me down there on his private fucking jet, but we weren't sure how we'd get by the fucking hotel security with my whole fucking kit along. You can't just fucking hide titanium alloy. It stands out. People fucking notice.
This really distressed Jon who told me, "I can't just fucking sit around, man. I need to fucking do something!" So I told him, "Jon: go write a fucking song about it. It's what you were fucking born to do." And he was all, "Fucking right! You are AWESOME!"
And me? I fucking went down to the pool and made it fucking sparkle like never before. If others are fucking callous about their fucking pools, I'll fucking make sure this one makes up for all of them. I take fucking pride in my work.